The New Normal

Four No-Spend Days! Hooray!

I passed down the idea of going to the mall on Saturday, just to get out of the house. The old me would have gone, and bought clothes for the kids at the Gap because it’s 40% off (and GapCash… and all those other things that the stores do to get you in post-Christmas…), perused the clearance rack at Gymboree… and really, we don’t NEED this stuff. Yes, the littlest one needs clothing for summer, but her birthday is soon. The big kid needs no clothes, except maybe shorts and that can wait (and be bought much cheaper elsewhere!)

Instead, I cleaned, and posted some kids clothing lots for sale on Facebook – one of which has a taker! I also did some projects around the house that were waiting to be done. Materials that had been bought 2 months ago and never finished. Typical me. Well, typical OLD me. That’s another thing I’m not allowed to do – no buying crafts/fabric until everything else is done (and debt is paid off!)

The children are asleep, so I am going to lay in bed and watch Netflix. Tomorrow will be another No-Spend day, but Tuesday I will probably have to buy milk and put gas in my car. However, I won’t be stopping for Tim Hortons/Starbucks like I sometimes do. Those days are over!

 

The F Word.

Forty.

I’m not there yet – it’s over two years away.

However, it’s my deadline. My deadline to fix my life. I have to stop giving a shit that so much of my problems are caused by my anxiety (and my agoraphobia, which I have kept under control since 2011.) Sitting here blaming and feeling sorry for myself just won’t do. It’s not helping, it’s only hindering.

Now that I have the one thing I wanted so badly in life – my two beautiful babies – now I have to grow up and take care of them. I also need to make myself happy now.

I desperately want to go back to school to become an Early Childhood Educator. I regret not going to school to be a teacher, but there are no jobs in teaching now. Becoming an ECE is the next best thing, closest to teaching. Especially since it means I get to work with little ones!

The biggest roadblock in this is money. I am in debt, and I need to be out of it to go to school. In two years, I want to be debt free and in school. This blog will be my journey, and hold me accountable.

It starts today. Today was a no-spend day. “No Spend Day #1.” There will be at least 100 of those this year.

I need to fix this. If not, forty won’t be the only f-word I’ll be using.