The F Word.

Forty.

I’m not there yet – it’s over two years away.

However, it’s my deadline. My deadline to fix my life. I have to stop giving a shit that so much of my problems are caused by my anxiety (and my agoraphobia, which I have kept under control since 2011.) Sitting here blaming and feeling sorry for myself just won’t do. It’s not helping, it’s only hindering.

Now that I have the one thing I wanted so badly in life – my two beautiful babies – now I have to grow up and take care of them. I also need to make myself happy now.

I desperately want to go back to school to become an Early Childhood Educator. I regret not going to school to be a teacher, but there are no jobs in teaching now. Becoming an ECE is the next best thing, closest to teaching. Especially since it means I get to work with little ones!

The biggest roadblock in this is money. I am in debt, and I need to be out of it to go to school. In two years, I want to be debt free and in school. This blog will be my journey, and hold me accountable.

It starts today. Today was a no-spend day. “No Spend Day #1.” There will be at least 100 of those this year.

I need to fix this. If not, forty won’t be the only f-word I’ll be using.